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Today's Grace, March 21, 2016

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Hands, wrists, arms, feet, ankles - 8 digging probes before I lost count, though feet and ankles were spared the needles. Three nurses at once, each on a different limb, tourniquets on each, tapping, probing, sticking, wiping, shaving, twisting, apologizing. They were attempting to start an IV for my scheduled GI scope. Once, with a 12 penny nail being inserted into my right wrist just below the thumb, a swarm of angry bees attacked the back of my left hand. I could never survive torture. I'm not sure a tattoo is even a possibility. Then, with my hand shaking and blurry vision, I signed something similar to my name on two forms, giving the surgeon permission to attempt to insert a central line in my jugular. After 20-plus painful and frightening minutes, the surgeon patted my leg and said, "Sorry, chief". Nothing else to try. No procedure today. Other than this, of course. I now think I know what it's like to be simultaneously choked and stabbed in the throat r...
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Still the Same

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How much of my life have I lived Not caring that You care about me How much of Your love have I spilled Not living like You died for me How much of the guilt do I carry Wrapped up in the folds of my rage Thinking You think me unworthy I march back to my guilded cage Open the door Enslave me in freedom Step out of my corpse You call me to life You wipe all my tears I beg You to wash me You calm all my fears And say, No, only your feet How much have I cost You, my Master How much have I tried You, my Lord After You became my Saviour Was I really worth You dying for? How many more times can I hurt You Surely there will come an end I bow down and beg Your forgiveness You hold me and call me Your friend Break open my chains Enslave me in freedom Step out of my corpse You've given me life You hear me cry loudly I beg You to wash me You listen in silence And say, No, only your feet Wash my head and my hands again, Lord (Only your feet need washing) My God...
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