25 "Would You Rather" Questions

Sorry. In advance.

1.     Would you rather have your obituary read at your funeral by Will Ferrell or Robin Williams?

2.     If you were literally starving to death, would you rather eat food you were allergic to and suffer a terrible reaction, or eat nothing and likely die of starvation?

3.     Would you rather have your most embarrassing moments posted by someone else on their Facebook page, or just keep doing it yourself?

4.     Would you rather be humiliated on a reality TV show or on a daytime talk show?

5.     Would you rather be mauled to death by a monkey on crack, or by a crack-head dressed like a monkey?

6.     Would you rather a doctor presented your newborn child to your family and friends in the waiting room in a manner similar to that of Simba in The Lion King, or have Adam Sandler claim to be the child’s father?

7.     Would you rather drink Monster until you puke, or be puked on by a monster?

8.     Would you rather be bitten by a werewolf and be hunted down by the local magistrate and an angry mob who would corner you in the woods and be about to arrest or kill you but your true love shoots and kills you instead, or be bitten by that weird kid down the street whose hygiene is clearly questionable?

9.     Would you rather answer twenty-five “would you rather” questions written by a complete stranger, or ask the same questions to someone who’s strange, but not completely?

10.   Would you rather work in a political campaign for a candidate you support but who is in a political party with which you usually disagree, or work in a political campaign for a candidate with whom you disagree but who is part of the political party you fully support?

11.   Would you rather enjoy a dessert of baked apple pastries, homemade vanilla bean ice cream, and the perfect cup of coffee, or sit with the person you love the most while he or she eats it instead?

12.   Would you rather the person you have a crush on act as if they passionately love you for one week and then tell you they just want to be friends, or spend three months with a person about whom you’re not quite sure how you feel or of how they feel about you?

13.   Would you rather listen to Ozzy Osbourne scream “All aboard!” and then laugh, on loop, for eternity, or listen to the Chicken on a Raft song for one week? [Easy one]

14.   Would you rather need a knee replacement and have the doctor accidentally replace the wrong knee, or go blind with no warning and no explanation for one month?

15.   Would you rather have all your exes follow you around for a year, telling everyone everything you did wrong in your relationships, or have their mothers follow you around for a year, telling everyone how wonderful you are and that their child should still be with you?

16.   Ladies, would you rather have a fairy-tale wedding that’s absolutely perfect, and then live in a loveless marriage for twenty years, or have a wedding that was so bad it was embarrassing and an awful memory, but have a wonderful marriage that lasts twenty years? Men, which would you rather your wife say?

17.   Would you rather find the location of Jimmy Hoffa’s body, or your car keys?

18.   Would you rather solve the mysterious death of George Reeves, Marilyn Monroe, or the Black Dahlia?

19.   Would you rather be happy and know it and clap your hands, or put your left foot in and take your left foot out and shake it all about?

20.   Would you rather do without your cell phone, TV, internet, or solid food for thirty days?

21.   Would you rather be incredibly attractive physically, but sound like a goat when you talk, or be incredibly attractive physically only to people who sound like goats when they talk?

22.   Would you rather have a chronic problem with passing silent-but-deadly farts, or have a chronic problem with passing embarrassingly-loud farts that have no odor?

23.   Would you rather your mother look like Hitler or your father look like Hilary Clinton?

24.   Would you rather have your name legally changed to Snoop + your first name, or have everyone think you looked like Conan O’Brien?

25.   Would you rather have a really bad tattoo that can’t be covered, or a really bad piercing that can’t be replaced?

Disclaimer: Although I wrote all of these questions myself, I do not own these images.